Only One
by Mark of a Raven
Summary: Rippal songfic, based on Only One by Yellowcard. Gippal's thoughts as Rikku leaves him. Really bad summary, I know. Rated for safety.


_  
Broken this fragile thing now  
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces  
And I've thrown my words all around  
But I can't, I can't give you a reason_

"I don't know, I don't know." It seems to be my mantra. I never could give you a reason for all the times I messed up. When I hurt you, when I flirted with another girl, when I forgot dates or anniversaries. I always said, 'I'm sorry, Rikku. I'll make it up to you. I promise. I promise. _I promise_.' I never really meant it. And now…it's broken. The love. Trust was already gone, there was just this unexplainable, uncontainable love. But I abused it, I destroyed it.__

I feel so broken up (so broken up)  
And I give up (I give up)  
I just want to tell you so you know

I don't know what I'll do without you. It's funny, yet it's not funny at all, how I never realized how much I loved you. Well, I'm giving up, now. You're gone. I wish I could take back all the pain I caused you, but I can't. It's far too late for that. I just want you to know that if I could take back every mistake I'd ever made, I would. __

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you  
You are my only one  
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do  
You are my only, my only one  


I'm screaming, but I'm not making a sound. None of the Al Bhed who work for me can see it. They think it just rolls off my shoulders, that you're just another girl. But you are so much more. You're the only one who could ever make me feel truly alive. You're the only one who I could actually love. All those other women…they meant nothing. So why I took them to my bed when I had you, I don't know. I could only ever love your beautiful emerald eyes, only be entranced by your spicy scent, only be captivated by the sunlight flickering in your golden locks. But I let you go. Rather, I abused you're love for me until you had to leave, until you couldn't take it anymore. You can't imagine how much pain that causes me, to know how badly I hurt you.

_  
Made my mistakes, let you down  
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long  
Ran my whole life in the ground  
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone_

I made so many mistakes. The worst being that I took other women behind your back. But all the other ones, the seemingly 'little' ones…they took their toll as well. Each forgotten date and anniversary just wore another hole in your heart. Each harsh word, every argument, every time I blew you off, they just pushed you farther away from me. I'm not sure why you put up with me as long as you did. I wish I'd realized what I was doing beforehand. But I guess, all along, I knew. But I didn't realize how badly I needed you, what you did for me until you left. And it's sick, because I find myself wishing were hear with me now, just to scream at me and call me everything I deserve. Because maybe, somehow, I might be able to make it right. Though, when all the smokescreens and illusions I set up are stripped away, there was no way I could have completely repaired the damage I had done.__

And something's breaking up (breaking up)  
I feel like giving up (like giving up)  
I won't walk out until you know  


Something's breaking inside me. I am not a loving person by nature. I'm selfish. I choose myself over other people. Even you. But you were the only person I could truly love. My parents are dead. They were the only other people I had loved. Baralai, Paine, Nooj…good friends. But I do not love them. You, though…I loved you. In a sick, twisted, impure way, I loved you. I just wish that I'd been able to get myself straight in time to really love you. It could have been so beautiful. And I just want you to know this. You're the only person I'll ever love.

_  
Here I go so dishonestly  
Leave a note for you my only one  
And I know you can see right through me  
So let me go and you will find someone_

I'm writing all this down so that you know it. And maybe you knew it all along. You could always see right through me and my lies. Maybe you saw the heart that I had, but that I didn't use. I'm leaving through the backdoor. I won't be back. Don't come after me, don't try to stay friends with me. I'll just hurt you again. It's how I am and I'm not sure how to change. I'm not sure I can. Just let me go, and find someone you will love you as you deserve to be love. Not everyone is like me. Let someone else in. Goodbye, Rikku. I love you. I'm sorry for everything I did to you.

_Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you  
You are my only one  
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do  
You are my only, my only one_

**A/N:** Wow. This is a really bad Rikku/Gippal songfic. But I can't think of a way to improve it, so onto the internet it goes. Review's appreciated, flames accepted.


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